Fifth Av Buz
|Posted on August 8, 2016 at 10:45 PM|
CONFESSION OF A BRIDE
It was a whole week of contemplating the break up. He had a long week, the death of his friend, the distance between us, the lack of companionship we shared, I was sure it was over. He felt it in his spirit. He requested to talk. After all, he is extremely intelligent and intuitive, he has always felt things that I was feeling, most of the times. I often wonder how that is possible without a deep connection. My first thought was to fix the pain by breaking up with him, but I realize my pain had nothing to do with the way he has been treating me. He always treated me well. The endless phone calls throughout the day, his text how he misses me, he brings me flowers, he cooks for me, but I guess that was not enough for me. I guess a part of me felt a bit bold to have initiated our first intimate moment together. I was beginning to regret my actions. In my mind, it was supposed to be his job to initiate our first time being intimate. I kept replaying it in my mind over and over again, I just wanted him to love and want me as much as I loved and wanted him. We have had so many deep conversations about wanting to be loved, waiting until our relationship was more committed to cross that bridge, waiting until the right moment. I loved the fact we had the same values. Although I felt it was the right moment, but something inside me felt it was not supposed to be this way. The fact that I wanted him to love me the way I loved him before we sealed the deal.
About 3 weeks prior, that morning I woke up, I knew he had to be back in his home town, and it would be a few minutes before he took off. I had just woken up, to the sweet sound of his voice, good morning beautiful. He always reminded me, how beautiful I was, he always say it every day since we have been together. I love that about him, and it flows out of his mouth naturally. I felt the connection. I knew I loved him, but I could not express it, especially not knowing how he felt about me.
We knew each other since 2006, we both had other lives, to put it mildly. After a long separation, we were back in each other’s lives. That morning I kissed him, he kissed me back, his hugh tender hands rubbed against my back, down to my thighs. He is a six feet giant, but yet so gentle, he kissed every part of my body, I just knew it was right, so I went for it. He has good genes, it would have been perfect for a bareback ride, but there only two things that could have happened if I had taken a chance, one, a miracle from God and two, some unwanted other things, perhaps. I know he was clean, I didn’t mind the first part at all, and I always wanted another bundle of joy. I wanted to take that bareback ride, but I did the right thing by shielding the moment.
That morning, everything seemed rushed, it all happened so fast. He had to head back home. I knew I loved him. I don’t know why I gave in to my emotions, but I did. I didn’t know how he felt about me. Maybe he loved me to, but perhaps has a different way of showing it. He often talked about how he expresses his love through cooking. He loves to cook for me, he checks up on me throughout the day. He often talked about how he enjoys cooking for other people too, so that may have increased my insecurities towards him. The doubt on whether he love me or not become so apparent. I felt his cooking for other people was an everyday thing, he does for all his friends, including me. I looked at his cooking as a hobby he enjoyed doing. He repeatedly tells me how he enjoys taking care of people by cooking for them, so I thought oh well, just cooking for me was not that special because everyone gets a taste of his cooking.
That morning he left, I knew I would not see him again for a while, perhaps a few weeks, or perhaps longer. Nothing had not changed since we made love. He continued to communicate with me, but for some reason I felt a major disconnect, not on his part, but on my part. I really had to search deep inside to find out the reason behind the disconnect. I guess a part of me wanted so much, not just to love him, but to fall in love with him, and him to me. So that night we chat as usual, he felt there was something wrong, so he bluntly said” I love you “. In my mind, I said ooh no, this isn’t how I imagine him telling me he loved me, for the very first time. I still think he sense what was perhaps the end of our relationship, and he made a decision to say those words with no meaning attached to it, this was what I kept thinking during our indebted conversation, I was hoping I was wrong. Then he say to me “you know what babe I love you “. He say it again, I was shocked, and I never expected to hear these words from him, not so soon anyway. Although I wanted to hear it, but I could not accept it. I realized he loved me all along. Love was right in front of me, the entire time, but he revealed it in his own love language.
It became so apparent to me, we all are looking to be loved. How it may be expressed, may not be the way we expect it. People do have different ways of expressing their love for each other, some through acts of service, like my big bear, some through giving gifts, like myself, some through writing letters. I hope you have found your love language.
His love language was act of service, mine is gift giving and saying it out loud. So I expected the saying out loud from him. Find yours, I know it’s there. If you have found the love of your life and are planning on getting hitched, we can help to create your very own love story. If you do have a Bridal Confession, please share it with us. We would love to hear from you or send us an email just to say hello.
Staff Writer/ Founder/ Sr. Wedding Planning Planner
Fifth Avenue Event Services
Palm Beach, Florida
800-691-6208 ext. 700